I have now read the first two and so far it's looking good. This has a lot of potential! The only suggestion I can make is to make your sentences less wordy. They need a bit more flow...

Here's an example:

You wrote “She sits and doodles or writes in her blue cameo covered notebook, or thinks. Or she thinks and writes in the notebook.” This excerpt could be switched around a little… “She sits thinking and writing or she doodles in her notebook.” This method of revision often works, however, as you can see I altered your original intent a little. If this method does not suit your tastes then only pay attention to the first part of this review.

I only have time enough to read the first two sections of your story and write this mini-review. Sorry if anything sounds controlling or rude. I have to do work now!

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People can no longer cover thier eyes, If this disturbs you then walk away.

Not controling or rude at all!!! i love constructive critisisim!! Ill look back at it and fix it, thanks!

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MMMMM Pizza Bagels!

You have a SIGNITURE!!!! When did that happen? Am I just blind or something?

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People can no longer cover thier eyes, If this disturbs you then walk away.

haha!! i had a different one, then i didnt like it, so I changed it to what is now...... im am at a loss of something funny :S IT NEVER HAPPENS!!!! or maybe i just think its funny but really it isint...hmmm. ok, back to pre-school and re-learn all things FUNNY!!!

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MMMMM Pizza Bagels!